Download A Man's Guide to Pregnancy: How to live with a Pregnant by John Zakour PDF

By John Zakour

John Zakour is a humor author with a Master's measure in Human habit. He writes the syndicated comedian "Working Daze" and has written a SF trilogy for Daw books. John is living in Geneva, long island.

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Additional info for A Man's Guide to Pregnancy: How to live with a Pregnant Person (and get out of it alive)

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They are fun to play with. They give your wife somebody else to get mad at besides you. They make you feel extra manly knowing you are passing half your genes onto the future. When they get a bit older they will think you are perfect no matter how much of a screwup you are. They give you this priceless kind of unconditional love that is even more special than that you get from your dog. It’s true. (Of course this will get balanced out in the future when no matter what you do they will think you are a total jerk.

Midwives have been around since babies started being born. Only now they are becoming kind of trendy making them cooler and more expensive than they used to be. Ob/Gyn: a doctor who is both a gynecologist and an obstetrician, thereby making more money. Obstetrician: a doctor who specializes in helping babies enter the world. If all goes well, he or she basically just catches, cuts, and charges. Ovum: a fancy way of saying egg. Placenta: looks a lot like the blob on TV. It usually follows the baby out of the mom—it’s really funky looking.

Braxton Hicks contractions: a warm up for the real thing—kind of like the pre-game show. Breach baby: butt first. Breasts: what you and the baby will be competing over for a while. Cervix: chances are if you are reading this book you already know this one. Cesarean birth: just be glad you’re a man. Colostrum: it looks kind of gross, but never tell your wife this. 44 Contractions: the things that hurt. Craving: really, really, longing to eat something that seems really, really, bizarre to a non-pregnant person.

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